Yet, I spent most of the day doing just that. I managed to depress myself fairly significantly. It was only after watching two weepy movies in a row and having a couple of good cries that I pulled myself out of it.
The thing is – I know better. I’ve just finished a fund drive for the Wounded Warriors Project so I’m completely aware that others have a real reason to feel self-pity – but don’t. My own father struggles every minute of every day just to breathe, and most of the time manages to do so with a smile.
How arrogant and self-important to get all in a funk over a schedule change. OMG – what is wrong in this brain that allowed me to magnify such a small thing into something so ginormous? Okay, I feel terribly guilty today for wasting precious time on self-pity but it has made me even more aware of how often we all fall prey to feeling sorry for ourselves.
I wish I knew the genesis of this feeling that somehow the world’s against us, that we are the only ones with problems and that our problems are so important. I’m generally an annoyingly positive person, so this slippage into the pit of despair truly troubles me. For me, I think it was the sense that nothing was really under my control – a lesson I’ve learned before but apparently still haven’t inscribed on my mind.
How can I avoid this happening again? I’ve decided to repeat the mantra below before I fall asleep and each morning when I wake up. Perhaps I’ll repeat it during a particularly tough day. Here goes:
“I am so lucky to be alive. I have so much to be thankful for. I will live in a place of gratitude, embrace the joy I’m surrounded by and see self-inflicted pain for what it is.”
I make a vow here and now – I will not waste another minute of my life involved in self-pity or negativity.
Many of us creative types are emotional wrecks at times, Kathy. I am guilty of the "two day downer" and I'm sure that many other writers, artists, musicians,etc. experience the same pain. I'm very sorry that you were in the pit but glad you've returned! As weird as this sounds, I sensed that you weren't your normal self by the tone of your tweets. Or at least I thought I did. Have a great day.
ReplyDeleteLandon
Lydia, sorry you had this time of feeling the pit of despair. I am glad you have regained perspective and feel better about your situation. I am sorry your surgery had to be rescheduled. I hope it can be scheduled at a time that is good for you.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Ardee-ann
Thanks to both Landon and Ardee-ann - I'm absolutely fine now, but really rolled around in it yesterday. I'm sure you're right, Landon, about it being part of the artistic temperment. It doesn't happen often for me - and this one was so silly. Geez. Hugs to you both.
ReplyDeleteOh that is so tough when your health is at stake! You just want to get through and beyond it. I wish you the best of health and you are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteKathy. It's okay to have a pity party once in a while. The good news it usually doesn't last long and then you see how much you have to be thankful for. Friends that care and think about you, family and like you said-- just being alive to enjoy a bit of depression. It's a writers life. Without the weight that flattens us to the floor from time to time where would we get out inspiration?
ReplyDeleteAnd Gall bladder- who needs a stinking gall bladder? You're in my prayers!
At least Blogger is working for me again.