Yet, I spent most of the day doing just that. I managed to depress myself fairly significantly. It was only after watching two weepy movies in a row and having a couple of good cries that I pulled myself out of it.
The thing is – I know better. I’ve just finished a fund drive for the Wounded Warriors Project so I’m completely aware that others have a real reason to feel self-pity – but don’t. My own father struggles every minute of every day just to breathe, and most of the time manages to do so with a smile.
How arrogant and self-important to get all in a funk over a schedule change. OMG – what is wrong in this brain that allowed me to magnify such a small thing into something so ginormous? Okay, I feel terribly guilty today for wasting precious time on self-pity but it has made me even more aware of how often we all fall prey to feeling sorry for ourselves.
I wish I knew the genesis of this feeling that somehow the world’s against us, that we are the only ones with problems and that our problems are so important. I’m generally an annoyingly positive person, so this slippage into the pit of despair truly troubles me. For me, I think it was the sense that nothing was really under my control – a lesson I’ve learned before but apparently still haven’t inscribed on my mind.
How can I avoid this happening again? I’ve decided to repeat the mantra below before I fall asleep and each morning when I wake up. Perhaps I’ll repeat it during a particularly tough day. Here goes:
“I am so lucky to be alive. I have so much to be thankful for. I will live in a place of gratitude, embrace the joy I’m surrounded by and see self-inflicted pain for what it is.”
I make a vow here and now – I will not waste another minute of my life involved in self-pity or negativity.