Life would be easier if...

Red and I were just lazing around the Veranda this morning, after a big breakfast at one of our favorite down-home restaurants and got into a discussion about the all the things that would make life a little easier. You won’t be surprised at what started the whole thing.

Kathy: You know what bugs me?

Red: I probably won’t be able to guess which one thing you’re thinking of. I mean, aren’t there multitudes…for everyone?

Kathy: Yeah, I guess you’re right. But here’s the one that bugs me every time I order coffee at a restaurant. Why don’t they put little garbage cans on the tables for the sugar and cream packets? I mean, I fix up my coffee and there’s this little pile of trash on the table for the rest of the meal!

Red: You have mentioned it before. In fact, I believe I was instrumental in keeping you from complaining about it to that one waitress. 

Kathy: Yes…yes, you were.

Red: Well, as long as we’re talking about restaurants, how about instead of the calorie counts that California requires on menus now that there were warnings about the consequences of eating that triple burger with extra cheese, huh?

Kathy: (laughing) And maybe disgusting pictures of clogged arteries! Or extra large tushies!

Red: You know what I’d like? (hesitating for effect) Adults only restaurants – or at least, adults only sections.

Kathy: For R rated meals? (Now in near hysterics)

Red: No! For quiet, restful meals. I love kids – you know I do – but sometimes! Oh, Lordy!  Sometimes I want to smack me some Mommy face. It isn’t really the kids’ fault. It’s practically on the job description for "child" under responsibilities – 1) Make as much noise as humanly possible.

Kathy: I know! We could start a movement to encourage Nannies in Public Places. They would have the authority to make the children chill or at least march them off to a time-out in a designated corner of the building. 

We fell into a lull, catching our breath from the raucous laughter. The neighbors were starting to come outside to see who was causing all the hullabaloo. Then it just started up again, on a more serious note. 

Kathy: You know what I want someone to invent? Caffeine patches! Why must I suffer through the ups and downs of caffeine intake?

Red: I think the world would be much better off if they’d come up with refrigerators that lecture you every time you approach it. I mean, why wait until you’ve already opened the door. Oh, oh…and exercise machines that praise you loudly, so the whole gym can hear it. A little light clapping would be good, too.

Kathy: What about cell phones that respond when you call them! They bark or say, “Over here!” until they are picked up!

Red: You know what would be really, really cool? Valet parking at WalMart!

We laughed so hard at that one that the neighbors came out again and sternly stared at us. Oh, well, a girl can dream, can’t she? 

We can’t help it if we dream loudly.